I don’t usually post about personal things on this blog; but as last week was my third rezzday in Second Life, I thought it might be appropriate to take a bit of a look back and consider where I stand with SL at present. I’m writing this for myself rather than for my *cough* numerous readers, so you might want to skip this post. If you don’t, be prepared for some boring personal history, some whining and the occasional bout of self-pity. You have been warned.
The first time I heard about Second Life was when a friend from Akashat told me about it, and one day when I was bored I decided to give this thing a try. I had a rather time of it at first, as the tutorial on Orientation Island was borked and wouldn’t let me complete it, and it took me three days until I had figured out how to get off the bleeding island. In retrospect, I’m somewhat astonished that I wasn’t deterred by that and still kept at it (guess I must have been very bored at the time). I ran into two German-speaking girls (cannot for the life of me remember where and how) and hung out with them a lot, freebie shopping at the Free Dove, visiting beaches and dancing at clubs, even doing some camping (had to support my freebie habit, after all – creating a shape and dressing up my avatar were probably what got me hooked into SL at first, and it’s something I’ve never stopped enjoying). I had my first date, the guy took me to a ballroom dancing, then, as things got more intimate, to a private home. Just as we were about to move beyond kissing, the owner of said home arrived, was understandably enraged and banned us both from her home. And after I had figured out what had just happened, I came to the conclusion to be a bit less trustful about people in this wonderful new world. Also, I added the first person to my mute list.
I discovered the BDSM School for Submission, and for a long time, this became my primary hangout in SL. I met a lot of great people there, and met some lasting friends, some of which I’m still in contact with today: as I’m fond of saying, Second Life is first and foremost about the people inhabiting it, and the way I see it, as long as I still have friends hanging out there, the place is not likely to bore me. People being of potentially infinite variety and always capable of surprising you in one way or another, with socialising as my main focus of SL activities (rather than building/exploring/whatever, all of which I of course might do as well – except for building that is, which I lack all talent for, but I am digressing…) Second Life should continue to be as fun and fascinating as it has been for the last three years.
As long, that is, as there still are friends around, which has become a bit of a problem recently. One of my closest and oldest SL friends, an absolutely wonderful guy who was one of the main reasons I stayed around in SL for longer than two weeks in the first place, has left it in the wake of the Lindens’ TPV policy; he’s deleted all of his accounts and is unlikely to ever come back. Another friend who I’ve known from my earliest days, and who is one of the most intelligent and at the same time most… unusual people I’ve ever met hasn’t logged into SL for months. She is citing computer problems, but I admit to some skepticism and am afraid she might not ever be back, either. I also took a close look at my friends list, and noticed that of the fifty or so people on it, there’s exactly two who I see and meet and do things together with on a regular basis, the rest (those that are still in SL, that is) I might IM once in a while but very rarely get to actually meet, and that tends to be only for a short time. Which I’m well aware is largely due to me being a rather boring person and generally not a lot of fun to hang out with, but it’s still rather frustrating.
Another area that has not been faring too well recently are relationships. D/s has been a very important part of my Second Life from the start, and in my time here I’ve moved from merely playing at BDSM to developing an serious interest in D/s to exploring my submissive side to the point where it had some serious impact on my First Life (most notable probably that I quit smoking because my then-Mistress wanted me to; and I haven’t touched a cigarette in two years now); pretty much the progression Inara Pey describes in her excellent post here. But I’ve had four Mistresses in three years now, and none of them worked out, and in all but one case (and I’m convinced it would have only been a matter of time there, too) they all eventually lost interest one way or another. Seeing as they all are excellent dominants (I’ve been very lucky in that respect) and have had submissives stay with them for years, there can not be any doubt that the fault lies somehow with me, and I have to admit I find that rather disheartening. And it doesn’t help that another Mistress who I’ve known for a while and who – quite to my surprise – revealed that she’d been interested in me for some time, gave up on me after a couple of weeks getting-to-know period. In short, I’m starting to think that all those people (strangers, friends, former Mistresses) who’ve been telling me that I’m not really a submissive might have been correct after all.
So, although it is a bit late for new year’s resolutions, I’m planning on changing a few things about my Second Life; well, two mostly.
1) Get out more. – I’ve been doing a lot of moping and staying at home last year after my previous Mistress effectively vanished from Second Life, and that’s of course no way to stay in contact with one’s friends, not even to mention making new ones. Neither is hanging out at the Bondage Ranch, which I’ve been doing way too much. Therefore, the plan is to start visiting clubs and other social places, attend more live concerts and go exploring again, and drag some friends along occasionally, kicking and screaming if I have to.
2) No serious D/s relationships. – That one is going to hurt, at least for a while, but I don’t see any real alternative. I won’t absolutely exclude starting a new relationship some day, if I should happen to run into the right person, but I’m not going to look actively for one. Instead, I’m going back to being a player, i.e., to join with some BDSM-related roleplaying sims – more on that shortly.
Now, I admittedly do not have the best track record for keeping resolutions, but hopefully those are sufficiently limited both in scope and number that I’ll actually manage to go through with them. The future will show, I suppose, and whatever will happen, I hope that I’ll still be around and enjoying my Second Life by the time my fourth rezzday comes along.